Email Me Maybe

Sep 02

Email Me Maybe

Hot Action Anytime!Penis Growth Guaranteed!Don’t jerk off tonight, meet a local slut.(Substitute delight for slut, and you have a nifty TV jingle.)   These are but a few of the colorful email subjects that have appeared in my New Mail in the last few days. And that’s after trying for a whole month (August is slow) to get unsubscribed from the many, many...

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I Lost It In Rome

Aug 27

I Lost It In Rome

Ah, Rome, the Eternal City. Forget about San Francisco: you can leave your heart here faster than you can say, “Ciao, Baby!” I, however, held on to my heart, but left my underwear. Let me explain! I was in Rome with my friend, Diana, shopping for tennis outfits at this really nice store near the Trevi Fountain. They had good prices (back in the day when...

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Shopping . . . On The Beach?

Aug 19

Shopping . . . On The Beach?

I know it’s Un-American, but . . . I hate shopping.I loathe mallsEven Saks gives me hives if I’m not in the mood. The thing is, I like things. The things you get if you actually Go Shopping. Which I hate. But there’s one kind of shopping. I love: on the beach. In Italy, men in straw heats come around to your beach chair with fancy purses bearing...

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The Reruns of Summer

Aug 14

The Reruns of Summer

 Hey! It’s summer. Time for a quick, refreshing rerun. I’m running this post again because . . . I can.  Listen, fall will be here soon enough. Too soon. Meanwhile, read this and see if you can’t feel the sun on your face and the sand beneath your toes, or vice versa, if that works for you. . . Life’s a Beach I love the beach,...

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Meet Mr Collector!

Jul 30

Meet Mr Collector!

Taken With My iPhone! Did you ever win a contest? Spoiler Alert: You actually have to enter one to be a contender. But assuming that you were you’d want to win, right? We all do. It doesn’t matter if it’s only a game of Monoply (with or without Jail) or a scratch-off Lotto ticket for 2 bucks. Sure, the big time lottery would be nice, but winning...

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The 11 Stages of Packing

Jul 23

The 11 Stages of Packing

Yes, yes, I know. Grief has only seven stages. But this is more complicated.Stage 1: Regret: Why am I taking this trip? Why? Because it’s a cruise on the Queen Mary 2 (a dream of mine), that’s why, and it leaves from Brooklyn, a cab ride away. No plane! No security lines! No being trapped in a flying sardine can with people who mess up the bathroom in...

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Oh No! You’re Buying A Bathing Suit!

Jul 04

Oh No! You’re Buying A Bathing Suit!

No matter how colorful they are—and they are very colorful this year—buying a bathing suit will give you the blues. What can I say? A few adjectives do spring to mind: Dreaded, humiliating, humbling (not exactly the same as humiliating), life-negating, tiring, stressful.(Please feel free to join in!) And then there are the nouns:Disaster, failure, disappointment,...

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FIREWORKS R’NT US!

Jul 02

FIREWORKS R’NT US!

Are There Fireworks In Your Relationship? They say that if there are no fireworks in your relationship, you’re in trouble. I was in trouble. The guy I eventually married— the key word here, folks, is “eventually”—and I were about to have our first Fourth of July together. Yes, that SUCH a girly thing to say. But I take these things seriously and I...

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