It’s No Yoke!

May 02

It’s No Yoke!

Actually, it’s “yolk” — too many yolks. And it ain’t funny. In the last carton of jumbo eggs I brought home from the supermarket, all 12 of them had double yokes. The whole dozen! Does anyone remember when getting even one was a rarity? When we thought it was a sure sign of good luck? If that’s true, a dozen lucky things will happen to...

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EXCUSES! EXCUSES!

May 16

EXCUSES! EXCUSES!

  Actual Sent Email:Sorry I didn’t answer your call, but I was out getting drunk with Diana.We also did some shopping. Reply:Next time, can I come? We can skip the shopping part. See? I told the truth instead of making up some lame excuse — and it worked. Think of how this could uncomplicate your life.Or complicate it beyond repair. Excuses You Might Consider....

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Uncle Mo Was Scratched!

May 10

Uncle Mo Was Scratched!

Or: Where Is A Bookie When You Need One? All bets were off. My horse, the endearingly named Uncle Mo, was scratched the day before the Kentucky Derby, leaving me scratching my head and hedging my bets. I settled on Archarcharch, the horse so nice they named him thrice, and Pants on Fire because the jockey could have become the first woman to win the Derby. Alas,...

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The Wedding Bell Blahs

May 03

The Wedding Bell Blahs

Cindy Adams is such a bitch. But she really nailed it on the royal wedding in general, and the bride’s gown in particular. She gave the whole thing the royal yawn in her column in The New York Post, and wondered what all the fuss was about. Yes, yes the gown was very nice. It was appropriate, in good taste, and pretty. Come to think of it, the bride is also...

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