My I LOVE LUCY Moments

Apr 19

My I LOVE LUCY Moments

Who says I can’t clean my apartment? Who says that my attempts at housekeeping are doomed to failure? Who says that my domestic adventures are closer to I Love Lucy than The Donna Reed Show ? Well, me, for one. And my cleaning lady, for another. Who happens to be—by one of those coincidences Freud tells us don’t exist—named Lucy. She is now self-isolating in...

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The Bike Bitch

Apr 15

The Bike Bitch

Open Letter to  Bill de Blasio Dear Mr. Mayor: I have a quick and easy way to make you a popular mayor— or at least a hero to citizens afraid for their lives: Make me the Official Commissioner Of Bicycle Safety Enforcement,      AKA The Bike Bitch. You see, your honor, I live on East 22nd Street, and I’m mad as hell about cyclists speeding, going the wrong way, and...

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Fully Committed

Apr 24

Fully Committed

Hi, Sara: As Reservations Clerk in Chief (How did I get this friggin’ job?), “One ringy dingy” I am here to report that we will be back from Ocean Grove Sunday afternoon after all, so we could meet you for an early dinner. How early do you want to make it? Five? Six? I checked with Scarlatto, which is in the theatre district (where you’ll be) and...

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You Go, Guys!

Apr 18

You Go, Guys!

I want a wedding. Not one of my own, silly. Been there (Finally!). Done that (Amen). What I want is to be invited to a gay wedding. Soon. Adam and Steve: Are you listening? I’m not kidding about this. I have fantasies about gay weddings, especially between two guys.  I’m thinking really tasteful with all the perfect touches, like Charlotte’s in Sex and the...

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Gotham Girl Meets GOSSIP GIRL

Apr 10

Gotham Girl Meets GOSSIP GIRL

Working by day as a mild-mannered blogger for I Can’t Believe I’m Not Bitter, Pat Fortunato has been known to put on a trench-coat and dark glasses and turn into Gotham Girl, gathering info for pieces like this, which appeared in part in Woman Around Town: Neither rain, nor sleet nor gloom of public transportation can keep Gotham Girl from her appointed rounds ...

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Define “Casual”

Apr 08

Define “Casual”

Once upon a time, when you went to a party, you “dressed up” in the outfit of the moment, complete with matching shoes, purse, and whatever jewelry went with The Look. There was the A-Line, The Mini, the Little Nothing (AKA the Shift), long full skirts, long tight skirts, short tight skirts, pumps, mules (now called slides, and for good reason), platform...

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