Lemonade Gives Me Heartburn

May 20

Lemonade Gives Me Heartburn

I had a Zoom session the other day, a phrase the likes of me has never uttered until this surreal situation took over our lives and turned everything on its head. But you know that. What I wanted to tell you concerns a comment made by one of the participants in that Zoom session, sponsored by a group I belong to for retired professionals, to the effect that she’s...

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The Kaftan Kid

May 02

The Kaftan Kid

Are you sick of hanging around the house during this pandemic looking like, as my mother used to say, the Wreck of the Hesperus? And no, I never knew what that meant, but I got the gist: I was a mess. As I have been recently, during these daunting days of isolation.  Many of my clothes require dry cleaning (must remedy that in the future), and many cleaners are...

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My I LOVE LUCY Moments

Apr 19

My I LOVE LUCY Moments

Who says I can’t clean my apartment? Who says that my attempts at housekeeping are doomed to failure? Who says that my domestic adventures are closer to I Love Lucy than The Donna Reed Show ? Well, me, for one. And my cleaning lady, for another. Who happens to be—by one of those coincidences Freud tells us don’t exist—named Lucy. She is now self-isolating in...

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The Bike Bitch

Apr 15

The Bike Bitch

Open Letter to  Bill de Blasio Dear Mr. Mayor: I have a quick and easy way to make you a popular mayor— or at least a hero to citizens afraid for their lives: Make me the Official Commissioner Of Bicycle Safety Enforcement,      AKA The Bike Bitch. You see, your honor, I live on East 22nd Street, and I’m mad as hell about cyclists speeding, going the wrong way, and...

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Oh no, it’s New Year’s Eve! Again.

Dec 28

Oh no, it’s New Year’s Eve! Again.

Sometimes I think that New Year’s Eve should be abolished. You know all the reasons to hate that night so let’s not dwell on it: too many expectations, too many drunks, too much money! The thing is, no matter what you do, you wonder if you should have done something else. If you go all out and attend a fancy do, you think you should have just stayed home...

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True or False

Dec 23

True or False

It’s Christmas Eve and we need a heartwarming story. Although I write a humor blog these days and live in New York City, I once was an elementary school teacher in a rural area. This is one of my best memories from those days. It’s not funny or irreverent, as these posts tend to be, but maybe it helps explain why I’m Not Bitter . . Sometimes you...

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