The 11 Stages of Packing Again. . .

Jul 02

Yes, yes, I know. Grief has only seven stages. But this is more complicated. Stage 1: Regret: Why am I taking this trip? Why? Because it’s a Baltic cruise, a dream of mine, that’s why! This cruise goes to places like Copenhagen, where I’ll finally get to see the Little Mermaid, to Gothenburg, Sweden, for which I have a handwritten itinerary from the only...

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The Royal Blogger Tells All

May 22

The Royal Blogger Tells All

Did you notice something “off” about the Royal Wedding ? No, not your TV set. That baby was on. Certainly not the royal newlyweds! Not even the most cold-hearted person in the kingdom (any kingdom) could fail to notice that if these two were any more “on,” they’d need, immediately, a room not merely a chapel. Nor am I referring to Oprah...

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The Girl Phantom . . . Unmasked!

Apr 22

The Girl Phantom . . . Unmasked!

Long ago and far away, in a galaxy known as The Silver Age of Comics, I was young and broke, and talked my way into writing a comic for King Features. I had gone to the editor, the esteemed Bill Harris, looking for freelance work. He was very nice and extremely encouraging, except for one thing. “Women,” he said, “don’t write comics.” Harrumph. I left his office...

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Can You Handle The Truth?

Mar 20

Can You Handle The Truth?

HANDLE it? Can you even TELL the truth? Jack Nicholson didn’t think so in A Few Good Men. And who are we to argue with Jack? The truth is that in our brave new world of alternative facts, no one looks fat in those jeans, every child is a genius, every dog is adorable (Or is it the other way around?), and everything you serve your guests is the best Whatever It...

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Wait A Minute!

Feb 06

Wait A Minute!

Wait a . . . MINUTE? How about ten or twenty — or maybe an hour or more. I’ve had three doctors’ appointments in the last week. Take a wild guess about how many were running late: One? Two? Three? How about every medical appointment in the history of the world? Bing-o. It’s bad enough having to see so many doctors, a situation that only gets worse as you get (you...

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The War on Men

Jan 17

The War on Men

What can these dancers tell us about sexual harassment? Read on. When I was young and cute and a photographer’s rep in New York City, I was propositioned so often it was like regular bowel movements. Seriously. One prince of a fellow told me, in  these words, that if I didn’t put out, I wouldn’t get the job. I didn’t get the job. Luckily, he was one of many art...

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Short-Term Mallomars

Jan 09

Short-Term Mallomars

Everybody has a weakness. Mine is Mallomars. No matter how hard I try to cut back on sugar, I always seem to have a box of these delightful little goodies somewhere in the house. I allow myself two at a time, once a day— well, maybe twice on one of those days— usually with a little cordial-sized glass of milk or a cup of coffee. For reasons I can’t fully describe,...

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Today I Apologized To A Plant

Dec 20

Today I Apologized To A Plant

Living alone has it benefits: you can eat when you want, sleep when you want, basically do whatever you want whenever you want to do it. And you can plug in that cute little ceramic tree, made by your mother’s own little hands, instead of putting up an actual tree with all that hassle and expense, because there’s no one to tell you not to. But there are drawbacks,...

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